Almost all workplaces involve individual interactions. Therefore, everyone—regardless of their title or job description—has a part to play to make nonbinary colleagues feel welcome.
A. Specific actions for individuals to support nonbinary colleagues.
Below are some best practices based on issues raised during respondents’ interviews:
If questions arise regarding nonbinary legal professionals, defer to nonbinary employees themselves. Nonbinary employees are most likely to know how to approach interactions where their gender identity and/or presentation may be an issue.
Allow nonbinary attorneys to be themselves around clients. Respondents reported positive experiences with clients across many practice areas, including clients from many different cultural backgrounds. Coming out can deepen relationships with clients and improve trust.
Mentor nonbinary law clerks and attorneys (as well as other nonbinary employees such as paralegals). Giving them the attention and feedback they need will allow them to develop their talents.
Learn nonbinary colleagues' pronouns and use them. This is possibly the easiest and most impactful way to show respect for nonbinary colleagues (as well as transgender colleagues and everyone no matter their gender).
If someone’s pronouns are unknown, it is best practice to ask them, “What are your pronouns?”
Get comfortable using they/them pronouns, even if there is not anyone who uses they/them pronouns in the workplace yet. The singular ‘they,’” as grammarians sometimes call it, is consistent with contemporary English grammar. Lawyers often use the singular “they” successfully for indeterminate individuals. Dictionaries increasingly accept it to refer to nonbinary people,17 and it is becoming increasingly accepted in legal writing.
Similarly, use preferred names. Not all nonbinary or transgender people have legally changed their name, and many cannot or do not want to do so. Luckily, few situations actually demand the use of any person’s legal name.
Apologize upon making a mistake and keep practicing (when the person is not there) to avoid repeated errors. For example, making a mistake about someone's pronouns one or two times is understandable while someone is learning. However, repeated errors are more likely to be interpreted as disrespectful because they show that the person has not put in effort to avoid further mistakes, analogous to someone repeatedly using wrong name. Similarly, some respondents expressed feeling extremely awkward when well-meaning colleagues over-apologize for a mistake because it puts them on the spot by highlighting their discomfort and disrupts substantive conversations. Simply apologize and move on.
B. Sincere communication and effort are the most important ways to show respect.
Open communication shows nonbinary and gender nonconforming employees that their employers and colleagues care about their inclusion, and they understand there is a learning curve.
It can be a relief when colleagues ask respectful questions instead of acting uncomfortable, or worse, avoiding interacting with a nonbinary colleague. For example, there is a misconception that it is rude to ask a nonbinary person their pronouns. But the failure to have a thoughtful conversation about pronouns is often the source of a problem. Many respondents emphasized that being honest and making an effort to communicate, even if the person does not always say precisely the right things, is what really matters when establishing an inclusive workplace. Honesty and open communication let nonbinary employees know effort is being made to understand and include them.
But be mindful that there is a line between thoughtful questions and disrespectful nosiness. It is extremely important to avoid questions that may be seen as invading people’s personal privacy, such as intimate questions about their bodies or any gender affirming medical treatment they may have undergone. Employers can help educate themselves and their employees about this difference by sharing this tip, “If you are not sure whether your question would be appropriate, ask yourself, ‘Why am I asking about this?’” The answer may help understand the difference between asking someone's pronouns (answer: one needs to know a person’s pronouns to be able to speak or reference them respectfully) versus medical questions (answer: a colleague's body is never an appropriate topic). Most people already know how to tell the difference. For example, it is appropriate to ask a cisgender colleague if they go by their middle name or a nickname, but it is not appropriate to ask about their medical history or about certain aspects of their body.